Destiny
by Jadeite no Miko
Summary: Musings at the end of the Silver Millenium


Destiny  
  
A Sailor Moon fanfic by Dancing Moon   
Mail: dancing_moon@hotmail.com   
  
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, and I'm only playing with her   
characters for a while.   
  
Note: This is what happens when you stay up late watching depressing (but oh so   
beautiful) anime with the Shitennou on your brain.   
Please send comments, since this is a kind of writing I'm very unfamiliar with.   
I can take critique as long as it's delivered somewhat politely ^_^  
More of my writings can be found at http://go.to/dancing_moon  
  
Warnings: None really. A bit of angst and somewhat surreal.  
No spoilers.  
  
---------------------------  
  
Does destiny exist?  
  
*They* serve it. Our former allies, now turned bitter enemies. Not by a choice   
of their own, but in accordance to that damned destiny.  
Such a glorious kingdom it is, beautiful, overflowing with power... and still,   
it will live and die for a law, an utterly meaningless law which has no purpose   
but to create a morrow that might, or might not, be what they wish for it to be.   
A pointless future because they shall surely not live to see it! Why, how can   
anyone accept this? Because it's fate... their destiny, and therefore they will   
willingly accept whatever befalls them, because in the end fate will triumph   
and the best of worlds will be here.   
  
It's hard to be a doubter. I used to wish I could just resign myself over the   
path I would eventually walk.   
Because do not make the mistake of thinking that I truly believed I could ever   
change anything.   
I was alone, completely alone in my quest to escape that which lay ahead of us,   
and what can one human do against the holy queens of the Silver Millennium? I   
even begged *him* do try and to something. Oh yes, I argued with my prince until   
I nearly lost my voice, trying desperately to convince him to stop this   
foolishness before it destroyed us all. And when he refused to acknowledge my   
words, I swore in my heart that I would stop it myself, that this single drop in   
the ocean of mankind would be enough to turn the tide. Of course, I didn't   
actually think I could do it. I was a fool back then and still am, but I have   
never been completely clueless.   
Instead of changing the way of the sea, I was swept away, and even as I form the   
words in my mind, I know this will be my final moments of peace, before I drown   
in evil.  
  
He, my oldest friend, has always claimed that his part in this great game was to   
hold the knowledge of fate.  
For some reason, I do not think he's telling the truth. Whether intentionally or   
because he has learned to lie even to himself, I can not tell.   
Maybe it is because I can not shake the feeling that his words are only the   
latest attempt to convince me to forget the past, and obey. Constantly the ask   
this of me, to obey. Bow your neck, accept your bitter end, because it will   
create the best future and besides, it's fate. It has already been decided.   
I asked him *why* once, why he believed that such an impossible concept as a   
preordained future was indeed real, but all he could give me was his never-  
wavering belief and the wisdom of the merciless stars.   
I do not trust them, these stars, who seem to know so much and yet tell us so   
little. But then, that is my fault, is it not? That I have never been able to   
trust or believe.  
  
Only one person stood against them and their beliefs. Only SHE refused to accept   
this world, and eventually took it upon herself to remodel it.  
She is called the Queen of Demons, whose red tresses are dyed in blood.   
Sometimes known as the Witch, whom they have expected and feared in ages. How   
they ridiculed her when she first appeared, and how they will pay for those   
words! So very soon, she will claim payment for every derogatory comment, and   
she will claim it in blood. The white moon will be flooded by read streams, and   
her armies will turn the Sea of Serenity into a field of death. And how she will   
laugh at them, the fools who dared to stand in her way.  
My mistress...  
  
Beautiful princess, how I loved you once. You, my fiery spirit, meant more to me   
then life itself. Your mirth was my joy and your flaming eyes never burned me as   
they did so many other, your temper merely warmed my lonely self. My princess   
whom I still can't bear to hate, you were the only one I never doubted.   
She claims now that I have been stolen from her, even when she must know it is   
impossible. My fiery spirit, who always believed that we would take the correct   
path. They all did, but how could she, how could any of them, know what kind of   
road I was meant to wander?   
We never told them the ominous words that were delivered by Earth itself, nor   
about the apocalyptic dreams that swept over the Elysian fields, proclaiming the   
future for me and my companions.   
Everything must balance, light and darkness, and she was my shining light while   
I acted as her comforting shadow.  
Now however, my darkness will soon extinguish her light, precisely like the   
darkness which surrounds me is about to destroy all that which still manages to   
shine in my soul.  
But she fights on, my fiery spirit, fights to the end as I knew she would. She   
and her friends struggle so hard, and so hopelessly, against the folds of evil   
that envelope our time.   
Were I not so drowsy that I could not even feel my body anymore, I would smile   
at the irony. To think that a servant of destiny, won't believe what I, the   
eternal doubter, so easily accepts.  
It would be foolish to dare oppose this vile power, and therefore I degrade   
myself before the corrupt goddess that has come from the shadows of the sun.   
Sadly, I found it easier than I believed to bow before this daughter of chaos.   
It was a relief to let go, and to know that the solitary struggle I have been   
fighting for so long was finally over. I am weak, unworthy of my princess, and   
this darkness is all I deserve.  
Once man realizes how to embrace the death that lies within all living   
creatures, they will too see that there is no way out, that entropy will triumph   
in the end, and that hatred is the only power in the universe that can survive   
eternity. I have learned my lessons well, and soon my Queen shall lead me, and   
we will teach all of the universe what destruction truly means.  
  
If there really is a fate, and it is aware of what happens, then by the   
darkness, how it must enjoy itself!   
I can hear it now, a cruel laugh, sounding more like the grinding of sword   
against bone, the moaning of the wounded, the hatred of the mob as they watch a   
hanging then a real laugh. How strange... it also reminds me of my mistress.   
Is she perhaps my fate, the reason for me being brought into this existence? Or   
am I only hallucinating? I do not know, and am far to exhausted to think   
clearly. Only my craving for enough reassurance to destroy my gnawing doubt is   
keeping me moderately alive. I wish to understand all what is happening around   
me, but that is most certainly *not* my destiny.  
  
Precious prince, how I admire your strength and nobility, and how I envy your   
security in trusting fate, no matter what blows it hands you.  
He cried for us. Endymion, my prince and mortal enemy, his tears fell even for a   
faithless bastard like me. That small gesture broke my heart, I felt myself shatter   
to dust with every teardrop, but still... he cried for *me*, and the thought alone   
is enough to bring a weak smile to my lips, even now.  
It is gone soon enough, replaced by a slowly burning anger that brings more hurt   
then I wish for. If we betrayed ourselves, he has betrayed the entire Earth and   
all who inhabits it. For daring to refuse my mistress and for striking an alliance   
with the white moon, for that I will kill him, unless one of my companions get him first.   
He broke the sacred bond with his planet, with his guardians, and why? Partly   
because of the love he has for that girl, but mostly because the Earth has given   
him it's own prophecies, telling its master more about the future then any man   
should know. And if fate says that we should struggle, even when it's hopeless,   
then he is not the man to argue. How I despise this destiny that rules our every   
moves, forcing us to suffer for nothing.  
The prince of Earth, my former lord, protector of the Elysian fields, he who   
rules all of Earth including the shadows beneath the surface. And yet, he still   
retains the innocence to weep as we failed him, and became Kings of Darkness.   
How I love him for those delicate tears. How I hate him, for not joining us and   
forcing me to oppose him. And by all that is high and mighty, how I wish and   
pray and hope and beg to everything in this world that I will remember him after   
my death. Cruel fate, let me keep that single mercy.  
  
My companions, or rather the few shards that still remain of their true selves,   
they all believe so strongly in destiny.   
The stargazer for his own unfathomable reasons, reasons he has often tried but   
never managed to make clear for me.  
Our impressive and collected leader, stuck-up idiot as he can sometimes be,   
imagines that he controls fate. Ha! He does not see that he is nothing but a pawn,   
and that he in his quest to control that which man was never meant to rule is   
losing himself, slowly but surely.   
The last to join us here in the world of darkness, he whose thoughts and actions   
lie closest to mine, believes in our damned fate out of desperation. His love   
was foretold and he dares not oppose the future since he could never stand to   
abandon his heart. Such a sweet fool he is, our dear flower.  
I shall miss them all greatly, once I have been reborn. Or rather, I will not   
miss them nor remember them, but let a dying man blabber in peace.   
The only one who ever wavered in faith was I.   
What a ruckus it created when I voiced my doubts in the open, and how angry they   
were when I fought against the unchangeable with all my might. And then...  
My treacherous heart was the first to fall to the lure of her words. I still   
feel no regret, although I by now, truth to be told, feel very little at all.   
Of course I am aware that within a very short time the person I refer to as "I"   
or "me" will stop existing. My self has already begun to dissolve like mist in   
the sunshine, only this sun is black and is slowly turning me into a being   
without remorse, a horrible creature with no goodness inside.   
But I will finally be free. If I do not know my end, if I can in no way remember   
my destiny, then all the pain and suffering I will endure is worth it. For the   
first time since I was born my life will belong to no-one but *me*.   
Naturally, my actions will be in the hands of my mistress, but I will have no   
doubts again and there will be no feelings of dread as I see myself in the   
mirror and wonder how soon I am going to turn against everything I love, because   
I will already be that mirror-creature that has haunted my dreams for such a   
long time.  
But as my corporal body draws its last breath and my soul, instead of leaving   
this world as it should, is drawn into the shell she created for me a long time   
ago, my doubt rises again. Is this the right thing? Have I fooled fate by going   
into the darkness willingly, and thereby breaking the prophecies, or have I   
fooled no-one but myself?   
I do not know, and my uncertainty is the only thing left of the being which once   
was the first amongst the shining Kings of Heaven. I wonder for a moment if she   
will let me keep my name, this last shred of my person? After the holy jade they named  
me, hoping I would gain it's strenghts and smoothness. What a dissapointment I must be.   
And then my tortured soul falls into a restless slumber while my mistress continiues   
to perform her dark magic, and I know I shall never more awake to light or happiness.  
  
Demons fear her, devils serve her and the holy goddess of the Moon despises her.   
Mistress, you came, begging for his love and received nothing but scorn. You   
fought for him, and even if he did not choose you, he was impressed by your   
strength, the strength that is evident in every motion you make, in every word   
you say.  
No need to beg in front of me, certainly not, you didn't even have to ask for my   
aid. I came to you instead, my heart filled with disappointment and sorrow,   
which you turned into anger and bloodlust. I came to give you all I had, in my   
last attempt to foil the fate I would never agree with, and in my heart I   
believed I could fool also you, that it would be possible to go back if I   
changed my mind. And then... Oh, then your eyes burned their way inside me,   
replacing all love I held for other with worship for you and removing any   
lingering loyalties.   
Dangerous and cruel you are, making it a thrill to serve you. Failure is not an   
option, therefore I shall not fail.   
I have pledged my corrupted soul to you, but not because I thought I could stop   
fate. No, my mistress, my queen, I serve you because you have the strength to   
change everything, and because we both desire the same thing. Freedom. And   
freedom we will have, a dark and cruel freedom, but if nothing else I shall not   
doubt any more, because we will have shown the world that destiny can be   
changed, and therefore the future is not absolute.   
You will prove that the human spirit has the strength to crush Gods, alter the   
fate written in stars, even destroy the eternal kingdom and conquer the Imperial   
Silver Crystal and I will never doubt anything again, because there will be   
nothing left do doubt! Let the devils own power flood the universe, destroy all   
who stand in out way! We will kill all foolish mortals who oppose you,   
annihilate light and love, and sink the cosmos into never ending chaos.  
  
I am drowning, crying, dying... My rebirth as a servant of evil is approaching,   
no, it is happening in this very second. And as time is drawn out, into a final   
moment before it will loose its hold over me for good, I realize what I have   
done, and I see the horror and suffering that my decision will bring. With a   
mental scream, an anguished cry of regret, I finally fulfil the prophesies as my   
struggling soul is drowned in evil, and the voice of Heaven is forcefully   
silenced for ever.   
  
All signs said that the Kings of Heaven and Lords of Darkness would   
accomplished their goal, and perish because of it.  
To late did I understand what it meant, but I know that it is to late to change   
anything, if there has ever been any time at all. This is my relentless fate,   
and if I have brought it upon myself...   
Then so be it. At least I end my life with the certainty that it was my own   
choices and mistakes that brought me here, and not an unfathomable destiny!  
  
I am Jadeite, first of the Four Kings of Heaven, and servant of Metallia. And as   
I open my new eyes and look upon my new Queen, I feel no regrets.   
No doubts.  
  
------------------------------------  
  
Hope you liked this surreal piece, and please direct your C&C towards dancing_moon@hotmail.com   
I will accept anything from praise to flames, happy to know that someone was at   
least moved enough by my writing to send a mail.  
  
This isn't how I think things really happened in the Silver Millennium, but it's   
one possibility.   
The stuff about them knowing what would come in the future came when I thought   
about how odd it was that neither Sailor Pluto, Sailor Mars, Nephrite or other   
possible soothsayers had an inkling of what was about to happen with Beryl.   
Here, everyone knows bits and pieces but not enough to actually do something.   
(except maybe Pluto, but since she thinks it will all work out for the best...)  
I'm aware of Jadeite contradicting himself here and there, but he's in the process of   
being brainwashed, so let's give him a rest, 'kay?  
  
And, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take to figure out who the   
speaker was?  
  
/Dancing Moon 


End file.
